TDOR: Honoring in Different Ways

 In: Events


Today is international Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR), a time when people all over the world unite in support of our transgender community and honor the memory of those murdered because of anti-transgender prejudice. If you’re in NYC and wish to join SAGE, our SAGE Center Midtown will be hosting a vigil starting at 6:45 PM this evening. We are located at 305 7th Avenue, 15th Floor, New York, NY (between 27 and 28th Streets). That said, the following serves a reminder that not everyone may want to take part in TDOR events. Originally featured on FORGE’s website as part of their #30DaysofAction, you can read the original here.

This weekend many communities will be holding TDOR and/or Trans March of Resilience events. TDOR is hard for many people. While some are comforted and feel supported by gathering together to mourn those who had their lives taken by anti-transgender violence, others feel more painful emotions.  For many, being reminded of this severity of violence can stimulate intense fear and sometimes a sense of hopelessness.  Many avoid attending TDOR events altogether.

There is NOTHING wrong with you or others if you cannot or do not want to attend TDOR events (or read or hear about them, either).

Think about the trans people you know: are any not planning on attending a TDOR? Does anyone express distress or avoid discussing TDORs altogether? If so, consider creating an alternative.

  • Create a distraction: organize an outing to an upbeat movie, host a card party, or take a friend shopping (don’t forget secondhand stores if money is limited!). You don’t lose your “trans card” for taking care of yourself and/or your friends.
  • Offer a listening ear. Sometimes what feels most healing is getting long-buried feelings out in the open. This can happen anywhere, at any time, but you can also offer it to the community: put on social media that you will be at X coffeehouse at X time if anyone wants to drop by and talk or just sit together.
  • Encourage people to engage in self-care. This year, in particular, the trans community has been in almost constant mourning for our dead. Sometimes the way we can best honor our dead is by valuing our own lives, which includes self-care when we need it.